Welcome to Konoha
by Deadknuat
Summary: To everyone who reads. This is a story about me and my life in Konoha so if you don't like it don't read it. It is a day to day thing, not a plotted out story, just how I feel each day, so let's get this stuff going. Read, review, and tell your friends
1. Welcome to my Life

**Hello fans of all my writing. I'm ready to start a new story again and basically gave up on my other ones besides Smart, but stupid. Sorry those who liked those stories... I just didn't have the attention span. Anyway, enjoy.**

"Deadknuat... Wake up, Deadknuat!" Tess said.

"Let me try. GET THE HELL UP, DEAD!" Jono screamed.

"What? Peanut butter chicken muffins on the planet Zula need my help..." I mumbled sleepily.

"Just let him sleep. He doesn't need the chocolate chip pancakes I made," said Luna.

"Chocolate what now?" I said fully awake. "...wait. When the hell did you get here and I don't smell any pancakes?"

"Good, your up," said Jono. "We have a four person mission coming up. I am leading and I chose Tess to help. Family first you know. Then, Luna came over and suggested her and you join as well, Aniki-kun."(AN: Aniki-kun is little brother.)

"I don't know... what's in it for me?"

"I will actually make pancakes with chocolate chips in them and I won't make you do your chores for a week." Jono said.

"Double, or nothing." I said.

"Fine, I will make pancakes all week and you won't have to do chores for 2 weeks."

"Winner, winner, Chicken dinner. You've got yourself a deal." I said.

I started eating the pancakes after she made them. I was about to drink my milk when the thought occured to me. "What rank mission is it?" I said. I then began drinking my milk.

"A 'B' rank mission!" Tess said exitedly.

"-cough, cough, choke, cough- What? -cough-" I said.

"Yeah, there will be multiple ninja squads against us if we are caught considering we will be in the Rock Village. We will be on a recon mission and if we are lucky we will be recovering a scroll of secret jutsu. If we are caught we'll have a war on our hands. Tsunade gave us strict orders not to take chances and if we do we will be in such deep shit she won't even be able to make a big enough hole to put it all in." Jono said.

"Well then, this is all sinking in. I have one question. Why did you pick me?" I said.

"We needed some brains and Shikamaru is on another mission."

"Thanks for making me feel good... but, what your talking about is almost suicide. I can't believe this mission isn't an 'A' rank or even an 'S'. We are supposed to go into enemy territory, steal a scroll of forbidden jutsu, and get back without a trace. If we're caught at all we won't just be killed. We'll be tortured and held for ransom only to be made an example of... then they will kill us. I don't know about this mis-"

"That's why we don't get caught. That's why we need you. This mission will give us enough money to pay the rent, all the bills, and still have enough left over to live off of for a couple months." Jono cut me off. "And remember, this is the Rock Village... they are quite strong. So, it should be pretty simple with your stratagy and cunning."

"What are the boundaries on this mission?"

"We can't kill anyone without being attacked first. We can't kill anyone at all, actually. It would compromise the mission. We have to act quickly, we aren't going to stay for more than 3 days. Finally, we cannot read the scroll at all. It contains jutsu only Anbu and the Hokage can know. Are we clear?" Jono said.

"Hmmm... crystal, sister. Will there be any other teams to worry about?" I said.

"Naruto and Sasuke are going to retrieve some goods that we are trading. If they find out about us, we are busted. They can't know about the mission. They don't know about the mission. If they recognize us, it will blow our cover... and all of us will be killed there."

"Well, I don't know why this wasn't ranked higher... But, I'm in. I guess that we will just have to scope it out first, get in and out in three days, and run like hell to get the fuck out of there. Great, when do we start." I said tiredly.

"Now. We're to leave immediatly." said Tess.

"Let's go!" Luna exclaimed.

**So, how do you like it. I felt it kinda strayed from the origional story a bit so I had to put Naruto in there somewhere. Awesome, thanks for reading. Remember to review and I'll keep you posted.**


	2. Those Skunks

**Alright, I promised this one would be longer... and I didn't lie suprisingly. My all nighter made me understand 3 things: 1. Cheese is not good at 4 in the morning. 2. If you are talking to someone, do not suggest a giant orgy the next time you hang out. And finally, 3. You need to commit to what you say. Which, I always do anyway... Onto the Story!**

I'd packed my bags faster than I normally would have. The truth being put out on a plater and boiled with a side of butter and some cooked asparagus smothered in vegitable oil, I wanted to go on this mission. I wanted to leave my boring life in Konoha and get out of town. Leave the village and do something exciting or adventurous for once. I finally got what I wanted, and I couldn't have been more wrong to leave the peace than I ever was before.

"Dead, are you packed?" Tess said.

"No," I said with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. "I'm stuffed though." At this, I smiled. Tess and I both know that if you were in England and said that it meant you were pregnant.

"Well, good. I've been waiting to be an aunt for a while now." she said snobishly.

"If you wanted a kid, or a life, all you had to do was ask." I sneered. "I could set you up with a bunch of amazing fan boys."

"You know what?" she said.

"What?" I said stupidly.

At this comment she disappeared, and reappeared, on my ceiling, where she took a kunai and cut my ceiling fan off so it would fall on me. I, being totally awesome and sexy, tripped on a crack and had the entire thing land on me. It wouldn't have if the stupid pebble didn't trip me. Or was it a crack in the floor? Whatever the case, something tripped me or I would have dodged it.

BAM-

"Skank!" I gasped as the 100 lb. ceiling fan landed on me.

She held the knife to my throat. "What did you say?" she said as she stared me down.

"I said, 'I smell a _skunk_'. What did you think I said?" I lied.

She pulled the blade closer. "I thought you said 'skank'. But I know you wouldn't say that, considering you are under a huge ceiling fan."

After that comment made by my oh-so-glorious sister, she walked away in her flame black shorts and red T-shirt with black flames in the center and covering her back. She put her kunai away with her red leather fingerless gloves, and quickly left my room. I barely got a glimpse of the black ninja sandals and red shuriken pouch.

"Why do I always get in these stupid situations?" I said to myself. With that being said, I pushed the ceiling fan off of myself and walked into the kitchen.

There was a note and pancakes on the table.

_Deadknuat,_

_We went out to the weapons shop by the Uchiha Mansion. Don't ask me why it had to be the one across town. Tess just had to go get new weapons at this shop. I left some breakfast and a little bit of cash in case you needed to go to get some new gear. Enjoy little brother and remember, I only have so much money. :) I will see you later._

_-3 Jono._

"Well that explains the pancakes, but doesn't explain the fact that I'm missing money. Oh, where could it be?" I said to myself.

I looked around the kitchen, checked the counters, looked in the fridge for a drink, found a drink, slapped the alien in my room for the money he owed me, looked in my shoes, and I finally sat down and stared at my plate of pancakes.

"Where the hell is the fricken money!" I screamed to the heavens. I finally sat down and bit into my chocolate chip pancakes. They were good. Nice and soft and chocolaty.

-_SLICE_-

"Ouch, what the hell?" I said and inspected my tounge. I had a paper cut.

I proceded to spit my food back onto my plate. I inspected the note thouroghly and on the back was another smart comment.

_Hahahahahahaha, You never read the backside. Too bad, you didn't specify what to put in the pancakes. So, I put the money in there along with the chocolate chips and now you have to throw up to get the money again. Oh well, too bad you Bulemic dumbass._

_-3 Jono._

"I'm gonna kill her." I muttered to myself. I inspected the food again and surely enough, there was more money in there. It totalled up to about 1000 Yin. (AN: That's about $10 in America.)

I also got 500 Yin out of that cheapo alien in my closet. Dumbass won't come out of the closet.

I started to walk downtown. On my way I took a good look around the village and reality sank in. This could be the last time I see the village look this peaceful if I don't do a good job. Scratch that, a _great_ job. I needed to be on my best ability to make this mission the best success. There would be no way I can make a mistake.

"Shit." I said. I sat down in the middle of the street. I didn't care who noticed or stared at me in that strange manner. I got enough of that at the academy. Being a Chuunin just wasn't as easy as it used to be. With all the tension around the lands, I had been running at least 3 missions a week. Usually they were easy C rank missions, but I had been waiting for this vacation and had looked forward to these 3 weeks of rest and training. Day one of my break and I get another mission, of couse I "volunteered" for it, but still I would have enjoyed it.

"Hey, Dead. Deadknuat! HEY!" Luna screamed. I looked up to see the white haired Kunoichi staring back at me. She has violet eyes, ones I never understand. Her black tank top was a little ruffled and she had on tight, white pants that went down to her ankles, inches before her black ninja shoes. She was pointing and waving at me with her hands which were covered in wraps that went up to her elbow. She looked at me again and just smiled now that my eyes went into focus and she could tell I was paying attention.

"I'm sorry..." I said. "My mind was on the mission. I just got a good look at the village for the first time."

"Well, how about we get something to eat? All this screaming at you made me realize that I didn't eat breakfast." Luna smiled.

"Ok, I guess. I already ate, but..." I trailed off thinking about my breakfast earlier today.

"Deadknuat, don't you space on me again!" she commanded. "I don't want to have to kick your ass in the middle of this street before I even get breakfast." she scolded.

"What are you my mother?" I replied.

"No, but still, I don't want to have to deal with it." she sneered.

"Well, fine, where do you want to eat?" I questioned.

"Ichiraku!" she screamed.

"Of course..." I sighed. "Well, Ramen Lover, I'm not paying for it. I have to buy weapons and such, and I only have 1500 Yin."

"Alright, well, I can pay for it. Sounds good to me."

"Whatever works."

_**-A half hour later-**_

I was sitting at Ichiraku and wondering if this Ramen was as spicy as was foretold. I smelled the supposed spicy ramen. It smelled like any other ramen. I inspected it furthermore and finally took a bite.

"Well, this isn't haaaaaaaww!" I yelled and stood up. I ran around the Ramen Bar, yelling and looking around for something to drink.

"AAAH!" I yelled as I ran outside the hut and looked around. I saw a man sitting on the street side passed out and had a bottle next to him with something in it. I grabbed the bottle and opened it. I drank as fast as I could to get the taste out of my mouth when a new taste entered.

"What the hell? What is this stuff?" I looked at the bottle. "Oh no."

"Dead, you ok?" Luna said as she walked out of the Ramen Bar.

"I just drank a whole brand new bottle of Sake." I said. "And, now it's setting i-in." I stuttered as I sat in the middle of the street, light headed and wobbly.

"Dead, your drunk aren't you?" Luna said.

"Well, maybe, but I don't wanna go to the weapon's shop. I need to sober up. Do me a favor, and go to the weapon's shop and buy be two double sided kunai. Please, I need to try and sober up before we go on this mission and I screw it up and get us all killed!" I yelled.

The village, all my friends, and even the alien in my closet would all be killed if I didn't fix this. The only problem is, how?

**Alright it took later than expected, but I got the story up. My next big battle scene comes in the next installment and I can't wait for you all to read it. Be prepared for some drama, some romance, and one big ass-kicking-fiesta!**


	3. Life goes on

**HAHAHAHAHA. Sucka's. I don't think I'll be putting to much drama in this one. Oh well. Nothing you can do about it but request it. Please do... **

"Ok... First thing's first. I need to get some pants on," I said talking to myself. "Wait! I already have pants on."

"Sonny, are you ok?" Some old guy said in the middle of the street. He had deep, green eyes full of mystery and experience. He had three long strands of hair on his head but was mostly bald. The hair was combed over his large forehead and curled back up to the middle of his head, from right to left.

"Sorry Gramps, can't help you." I said wondering who was controlling my mind right now.

_-Inside Deadknuat's Head-_

"Shit guys! He's on to us," said an alcohol molecule in my brain.

"Ok... Let's make him do something stupid so he doesn't question it," said a second molecule.

_-Outside in The Real World-_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I ran around screaming. Suddenly, I ran up to the nearest hot girl I saw and slapped her in the ass... This got me slapped in the face.

"I'm sorry ma'am... I have alcohol on the brains."

_-Public Service Announcement-_

_And that, children, is why you don't do crack... or drink... or try to eat 50 cupcakes in a row._

_-End Public Service Announcement-_

"DEADKNUAT! HOW COULD YOU!" Screamed Jono. "You are going to fuck this whole mission up! What were you thinking drinking before a mission?"

"I didn't mean to... an- HOLY CRAP! A bat!" I yelled, ducking and weaving to avoid the flying bastard in the sky.

Luna and Tess just stood there.

Finally, Tess said, "Deadknuat... your an idiot. There is no bat there."

"You're sure? I am a _horrible _junk... I mean, drunk."

"No kidding, dumbshit," Luna said.

"Well, let's get going then. We'll sober you up on the way," Jono said.

_-Two hours later-_

The flashes of green and blotches of the brown were getting to my head. I couldn't focus on one constant thing because it was all a blur. My thoughts kept twisting and bending and distorting to form ideas that weren't mine.

We were leaping from branch to branch and not making as much progress with me slowing us down. Suddenly, I felt my feet hit only open air. I was descending rapidly and time felt like it was moving so fast. The last thing I remember is that I was falling and a flash of brown. A sudden pain following the flash of black let me know I was out.

When I woke up, we were camped out in a clearing in the middle of the woods. Wow, completely blanked there. Ok, let's start from the beginning. I am Deadknuat Hunter Dagonfix. I have 2 sisters, both of which were adopted by our foster parents. I was as well. I love my sisters, Tess and Jono to death. I am a ninja for the hidden leaf village. I specialize in disguise, retrieval, and deceiver's combat. I have a very high I.Q., but try too hard to understand everything, which gets me hurt sometimes. I love pancakes with chocolate chips in them. Both of my foster parents are dead. KIA in a secret Anbu mission they were both on. I never got to say goodbye...

"Dead, you awake?" Someone said. Luna. Still blanking on the last name, but we call her Luna Tuna. Specializing in combat missions and is good with mind control. She can make you do almost anything and has a charm that works on anyone. Anyone except a blonde haired Chuunin that she is in love with.

"Yeah, I am. My head is throbbing..." I trailed off. Confused as to where we were. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hidden Leaf's Forest, 8:36 p.m. We camped because Tess had to tend to your wounds." Jono said.

Jono specializes in tactical missions which involve taking apart the landscape and picking the best spot to do almost anything. She doesn't have as much tactical advantage with people like I do, but she is good.

Tess specializes in medical healing, raw energy, and her Monster. No, she isn't a Jinchuuriky(sp?). Monster, the energy drink. She needs it to function because she has an addiction. Addiction to caffeine. That would be a bad way to die I think. She has amazing strength and so much chakra built up in her bloodline, which none of us know, that she can literally match Sasuke in ninjitsu combat.

"Am I badly hurt?" I asked tentatively. The expression on Jono's face was one of utter concern, but she tried to hide it by turning her head to focus on the leaf she was dissecting in her hands. I looked to Luna who was gazing at the stars in a small open spot in the canopy in the trees. She didn't acknowledge me, probably a million miles away thinking of Blondie. Finally, I looked to Tess. She had an expression of utter guilt which she didn't try to mask.

"We... were able to get the alcohol out of your system. But..." Tess let the word hang.

"But what?" I said fearfully.

"When I tried to extract the alcohol out of your brain, I noticed you had...a... a small tumor in your head. You aren't going to like this, but I think you might have cancer," she dropped her head and I saw a tear drop from her eyes.

"And that happened from the stupid tree trunk!" I yelled.

"No you idiot! Do you know what this could mean? You could be dead within a month and I REFUSE to lose another family member EVER AGAIN!" Tess screamed and sobbed at me. She fell back on her knees and sat on her calves. I looked to Jono who was laying down covering her head with her headband, something she only did when completely stressed out.

"So... I could die very, very soon?" I asked slowly as to not confront them to quickly on it.

"I... think so Big Bro. Unless we get our hands on a good healing scroll, there may be no cure for it. It is in the part of your brain that controls memory. You will slowly start to lose your memory if it progresses. The faster you lose it, the faster the tumor is killing you. I can't help you here. The tree must have knocked it into the spot, which activated it. I could only locate it, not heal it. Damn my abilities!" Tess then threw a kunai towards the stars and bounced off of every tree between us and it quickly. She caught it in the air and sent it back towards the water bucket next to the fire. Just before it hit it, she jumped off the same trees and back to her spot, catching the kunai easily. She holstered it and decided it was time to rest.

"I have had a long day. I think we could all use a little bit of sleep. We have a big day ahead of us and we have to go double time to make it to the village." Jono said.

"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning... hopefully." I said.

**With that, I'll leave you, the reader, to wonder what is going to happen next. I guess I did put a little more drama in it than expected. Sorry for taking so long. Had a bit of a writers block to work around. I'm going to start the new chapter sometime tomorrow hopefully, because I have to sleep considering it's midnight and tomorrow is a Wednesday. A school day as well.**


	4. Bandits Really?

**Good night all my readers. Yes, when I started writing this chapter, it is the following Monday of the last Wednesday's installment at 11:44 p.m. I'm also going to be working on another story for Mind Warped soon, so please read and review that as well.**

I woke with a start at the sound of running feet. In the middle of a field flower filled field, alone and unsatisfied with life, a rogue ninja was charging me. I looked for my support, but I was quick to realize I had none. I was alone.

Typical.

I dodged his first slash of the blade, which was aimed directly at my throat. As I back hand springed onto a tree I got a closer look at his blade. It was a large, very wide, thick sword with a large crescent hole in the bottom of the blade and a large circular hole near the top of the blade. The ninja wore a mask and was dressed in black and white camo pants. He didn't have a shirt on, which was strange because the ground was littered with snow.

He jumped towards me again, and I dodged agian, leaving behind a paperbomb on the back of the tree. He dodged this easily, but didn't expect me to follow up so quickly with three shuuriken and two kunai headed his way. He barely blocked these and hit the ground, morphing into another ninja who easily could pass off as Sasuke, but with wings.

I knew what was going to come from this Sasuke look-alike.

He powered up a chidori, which was pure black, and charged at me. I evaded once more and launched my Land/Spear Earth Technique. A moderatly powerful earth-javeline that upon hitting the ground turns to a thick paste and then hardens, leaving the opponent incased in earth. The attack managed to hit the imposter Sasuke and I walked up to him casually.

I used a release jutsu to find out just who he was. The summer heat was unbearable at this point, and I was sweating from it and anticipation. I cast the jutsu and the opponent slowely started to change. I had just gotten a glimpse of him in the midnight moon before my eyes shot open and I was dumbfounded.

There, in the middle of the forest with my feet covered in my own cement, stood an exact replica of me. He was cocky looking and was wearing a black T-Shirt with grey blotted skulls. Just like my everyday outfit.

His cargo pants were sheen camo and within the many pockets were assortments of weapons and scrolls used in familiar and powerful jutsu. He had a scroll on his back, which was really the only difference between us two, with a cocky smile on his face.

The sunlight glistened off of his bright blue eyes, with matched the cold stare that I possessed, which was known for chilling my friends and enemies to the bone. My replica had black, spikey hair like mine, but for some reason it was really long compared to mine. Mine was medium length between long enought to reach two inches high and short enough to flatten it without it getting in my eyes.

Finally, he said without a hint of remorse, "This is the way you will die. Destroyed by your own hand, you will fail this mission and you will kill the only family you have left. You are weak young one, whereas I have lived one thousand lifetimes. I feel nothing for you or your petty friendships. All I want is to be out of this cage once and for all. Set me free!" He screamed.

_-In the real world-_

I gasped as I sat up frantically in the midsummer warmth. I was cold with perspiration. I looked around to see it around eight a.m. and everyone was still sleeping. I was glad to be out of my nightmares, where I was safe in the real world again.

"No. Sasuke..." Tess mumbled. I looked over to see her fast asleep and frantically flailing her arms everywhere. She smacked Luna in the face, which she didn't even react to, and rolled around trying to wake up.

"Tess. Tess, wake up. Sasuke isn't going to hurt you..." I trailed off. I shook her gently.

"Dead, run. He is going to kill you."

"Tess, who is going to kill me," I said awestruck that she could be having a dream about my death, just like I was.

"SASUKE!" Tess screamed as she sat up. Man, we always have a lot of nightmares, but this is out of the ordinary. Two people in the same camp on the same night. Bizzare.

"Tess, why are you such a heavy sleeper? What was happening in your dream?" I asked quietly as to not wake the others. It would be better if Tess and I had some alone time to chitchat and finally get some things off of our chests.

"I... I don't know. Sasuke was trying to kill you, Jono wouldn't let me help, and there was this guy. He was wearing a pinstripe suit and looked almost identical to you."

At this note, I was majorly creeped out. The Anti-Me in Tess' dreams too? How was this possible?

"He told me that no matter what, you had to destroy yourself. He told me it would benefit the world to have you die, but I just couldn't let it happen." Tess told me.

"Well, dreams are dreams," I lied to Tess. "They don't mean anything. I'm glad I'm still here mostly. Let's get the others up and get moving. We have a long travel ahead of us."

_-Eight hours later-_

Somehow, I began to lose myself in the trip. I wasn't losing my memory as quickly yet, but I kept dazing in and out like usual. We were nearly to the Village of the Rocks, and I was focusing on more important things. For example, Luna's ass(Hey, I'm a guy. Give me a break. We all do it.). I stopped ignoring my surroundings when something was out of the ordinary.

A small twinge type sound resonated in my highly tuned ears. I leaped for Luna and Tess, yelling "Down!" to Jono as quietly as possible.

As we all dove straight to the ground, the sound of metal filled the air as many weapons collided. I got up as quickly as possible and surveyed the surroundings. Just like in my dream, a lone ninja stood before me. I saw him standing there with that sword again.

My vision flashed and I realized I was hallucinating. The ninja was actually three ninja. They all had hoods on except for one, who had orange spikey hair. All of them for eye strips. I must be losing my memory, because I can't remember the actual name for them. The strips they were wearing had slits in the eyes so they could see but cut out the ability to see the depth of their eyes.

A clash of metal brought me back into the battle field. A kunai had been thrown at me but was deflected by Jono. I studied the opponents for a brief second.

The first was a short, scrawny guy with a mask on that made him look like he was hiking in the winter. He only had a club with a nail in it and was wearing a black jumpsuit with a utility strap over his shoulder.

The second guy was very similar to the first in his outfit, but was very large and muscular. He was built like a tank, and could easily have thrown a medium sized tree at me if he wanted to. He had no weapon pouches on him and looked as if he relied on his fists to win his fight, rather than skill with weapons.

The third guy was obviously the leader. He had a katana and was holding a kunai in the other hand. His eye strip was loose and looked like it would fall off if he moved to fast. He looked left and right and noticed the four of us, three of us being girls. He charged Tess, who happens to be the smallest member of our team. Too bad for the rogue she is also the strongest fighter.

She quickly dispatched the leader with a swift kick to the crotch and a sharp blow to the back of the head. She turned to the other two ninja.

The large one charged me, not afraid to take on a guy. I ducked under two massive fists and slid under him on my back, slicing his ankles and tendons on his feet with shuuriken as I went under. I put a kunai to the back of his neck when he fell to his knees.

Luna looked to the last rogue standing. The small and feeble looking one. He was shaking like a chihuahua, while looking for an excape. Finally, Luna looked him straight in the eye.

"Boo," she said. The bandit took off in the other direction, all the while screaming like a girl.

"That takes care of that problem," Jono replied casually, laid back on a tree branch.

"I guess. Let's get to the village before something worse happens, or he finds some friends. I don't want to be here all day fighting off bandits for the rock villagers!" I exclaimed. With my final comment and some looting of the leader, we were off again.

**I ended exactly at 12:34 a.m. How ironic. Anyway, Thanks for reading and please check out my new story, Mind Warped.**


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